How-To Guide · 6 min read
Key Takeaways
- You are asking someone to spend their credibility, so the request should cost them as little effort as possible.
- Write the forwardable paragraph yourself, so the person introducing you only has to press send.
- Ask for a specific, bounded conversation rather than for mentorship or an open-ended connection.
- Give an explicit easy exit, which is what makes the request comfortable rather than awkward.
In This Guide
The short answer: make the introduction almost effortless to make. Write the paragraph they can forward, ask for something narrow and time-bounded, and include an explicit way for them to say no. The rest of this guide is the wording of each part.
Understand What You Are Actually Asking For
An introduction is not a favour of time, it is a loan of reputation. The person introducing you is telling someone they respect that you are worth their attention, and if you are not, that costs them a little of the standing that made the introduction valuable in the first place.
Recognising that changes how you ask. It explains why vague requests get quietly ignored by people who would happily have helped, and why the strongest requests are the ones that make clear exactly what will happen if the introduction is made.
Write the Forwardable Paragraph for Them
The single most effective thing you can do is draft the message yourself, in the third person, so that the person introducing you can forward it without composing anything. Three or four sentences: who you are, what you are working on, why this specific person, and what you are asking for.
This removes the real obstacle. People rarely decline introductions because they are unwilling; they decline because writing a good introduction takes fifteen minutes of thought they do not have this week. Handing them the paragraph turns a task into a forward.
Pro TipSend it as a short note plus a clearly separated block they can copy, and say plainly that they should edit it however they like.
Be Specific About the Ask, and Keep It Small
Asking to be introduced so you can learn from someone gives both parties nothing to say yes to. Asking for a short conversation about one specific question gives them a well-defined thing to agree to, and makes it obvious when it has concluded.
Small and specific also makes a second conversation possible. A bounded first exchange that goes well often turns into an ongoing relationship, whereas an open-ended request for mentorship at the outset asks for the relationship before either side knows whether it fits.
Give Them a Graceful Way to Decline
State explicitly that you understand if the connection is not one they want to make, or if the timing is wrong. This is not politeness for its own sake. There are legitimate reasons someone cannot make an introduction that they cannot explain to you, and an obligation with no exit tends to produce silence rather than a no.
Giving the exit consistently raises the rate at which people say yes, because it makes the request feel like a genuine question rather than a test of the relationship.
Pro TipOne line does it: “If this isn’t a connection you’d want to make, no explanation needed at all.”
Close the Loop Afterwards
When the introduction leads to a conversation, tell the person who made it what came of it. Briefly, and without needing anything further. Most people never hear the outcome of introductions they make, which is why they become cautious about making more.
This is also the step that earns the next one. Someone who knows their introduction was used well, and was told so, will make another. Someone who never found out generally will not.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I barely know the person I am asking?
Be direct about the weak connection rather than inflating it, and lower the ask correspondingly. Asking whether they would be comfortable making an introduction is a reasonable question to put to a loose contact; asking them to vouch for your abilities is not.
Is it better to reach out cold instead?
Sometimes, and a well-written cold message beats a strained introduction from someone who hardly knows you. Where a genuine mutual connection exists, though, the introduction is consistently more effective, because it arrives with trust already attached.
How long should I wait before following up?
A week or two on the introduction request, once, and then let it rest. If the introduction is made and the other person does not reply, that is theirs to decide and further chasing tends to reflect on whoever introduced you.
Should I mention what I can offer in return?
Only if it is genuine and specific. Early in a career there is often nothing concrete to offer, and an invented offer reads worse than none. Being straightforwardly useful when the chance arises later is a stronger position than promising it in advance.